Bugger pt 2

Well, we got our arses kicked. Me and Dave are all that's left of our unit. We've no home. No supplies. No food. Dave's getting right on my teets tbf. If he keeps on whining I'm gonna eat him. :(

Bugger.

Leave cancelled. Something big is going daaan. Never rains but it pours, eh? Hopefully see you next month instead. Soz :(

Coming to a brothel near you sooon!!

Can't w8 to get back to Mordor and my town of Lithlad for 2 weeks of well-deserved R&R. Managed to bunk off the Minas Tirith trip. Said I had a gammy leg. Tbf I'm an Orc. I'm all gam. I'm coming home. W00t!!!11 Orcs, lock up your daughters! Lolz.

Walking Twigs 1 - Dark wizards and orcs 0 :(

Well, that was a washout. How do a bunch of 7ft orcs go about attacking 20+ 100ft trees? At this rate they'll be knocking on the gates of Mordor in no time. :(

Brokeback Mordor

No word on the insurgents. Last we heard they've gone a bit 'cutesy' for each other so that should slow things down once they get cold and lonely up in the mountains.

I'm an orc, not a lumberjack!

There's been reports of some bloody angry trees storming towards to white tower. I think we're supposed to contain them. Hope they'z gonna supply enough sets of pruning shears. Won't be able to update for a bit. btw just seen Sauron has started a blog. I dunno how he finds the time. Bit emo if you ask me. Wish me luck.

Honestly, I could murder something. Brb

Bad days at the office :(

Well that was shit. Utter kack. Slaughtered in the battle and murdered in the semi-final. Diving c**ts. And WTF was going on with the bloody gay wizard coming back with a whole new army??!!! Grrr :(

In (Helm's) Deep doodoo

The enemy have bolted to Helm's Deep so we're off to kick some arse. Was getting bored of traipsing round t'countryside chasing jewellery. Well excited. My first major battle!!!

Reason why I hate elves # 5873

Looks like the elves are involved now. Tbh I could do without dealing with elves as well. Pretentious pointy-eared muppets. Tell you what as well, those Uruk-hai are so up their own batty. Always giving it the large cos they get face paint, and who does all the graft? Orcs, that's who. No bloody gratitude, I tell ya. :(

Watching the semi-final 2nite - lads all crowding round the lappy watching a stream on bombadil.tv. It's our year! Come on the boyz!!!!!!!111

Fighting a modern war

I'm piggybacking off Saruman's broadband but I think the white tower's cauzin interference. Shared a horse with Dave today. Well tangy and I've got mane stuck in my teeth. People back home need to know how poorly supplied we are out here. How are we supposed to wage a war when we have random spiky things instead of actual weapons?

Balrog 1 - Wizards 0

Is LOLLIN' at Dave's 'Gandalf in the mines' impression. 'YOU SHALLL NOT PAAA.. Oh, you've passed'. We bloody did too. Wizards? I shit 'em.

I bloody hate mines

Soz for lack of upd8s. No hotspots out here, & it's not easy skiving with the eye of you-know-who looking over your shoulder. Bree was shit. Only one pub and tbh it was more stabby stabby than drinky drinky. Heard we're off to Moria now. :(

Utter filthbags!

Whoever it was that linked me to that '2 Orc-maidens, 1 goblet', YOU ARE SICK lolz!!!11 Some ogres, eh? Send more biscuits Mum! xx

Next stop - Bree

Looks like the insurgents have escaped and so we are off in pursuit. Headed towards Bree. I reckon we'll up going to Rivendell. Bloody elves. Great :(

Making camp

So the unit have set up temporary camp outside some hick town called the Shire. All rolling hills and midgets. Apparently there's insurgents we need to weasel out of there. Some toff-nosed wraith is in charge. If he's not hissing about losing some jewellery, he's giving it all 'Ooh I've got a pet Nazgul.'... Keeps asking for help with his gay little Macbook. N00b.

I've got a blog!!!

So I've finally got the laptop set up. Thanks Mum. UR the greatest. Reception's not gr8 but will post as and when I can..